Recruiting. Dating. I’m sure you can see the similarities. As a recruiter, I’m searching for the best possible person to do a job. As an eligible female (who in reality isn’t exactly eligible, I’m married), I’m searching for a companion that will fill the bill. Except that not many recruiters can honestly say they treated their matchmaking in the same way they interview and fill jobs. I can.

• They Meet Certain Minimum Qualifications. Your potential mate or your potential employee must meet minimum criteria. This minimum criterion is open to discussion and depends on the company or individual. For me I wanted someone who had a college degree, was financially responsible, a non-smoker, unmarried or unattached, funny, handsome, and could keep up with me. Your job seeker qualifications also has a short list, depending on the corporate role and specific job responsibilities.

• We Have to Like These People. When it comes to the workplace, we spend more time at work than with our families, and yet we spend more time dating and courting our perfect guy or girl than we do our employee. And depending on the role, a candidate can be responsible for millions or billions of dollars managing or running a division or production line.

• We Google Them and Background Check Them Too. As I mentioned I treated my love match like I did the job search. I qualified the boyfriend material, Googled them, and even went so far as to conduct a background check. I believe in due diligence and really, a girl can never be too careful.

• We Interview Them. In dating you call it dating or maybe lunch. In corporate America, we call this the interview. We meet and chat sometimes informally and sometimes not to determine if there is chemistry whether it’s love or for work.

• Our Friends Set Us Up. I went on a blind date once. It didn’t work out well. Thank goodness I don’t worry about that now as I’ve been happily married going on 6 plus years. Your company calls this employee referrals, and for many company’s they serve as one of their top candidate sources. Hopefully, these referral employees turnover less and lead more productive corporate lives. The difference is as an individual looking for love I have one job opening. Your company might have hundreds or even thousands.

• We’re Nervous. And for the right reasons. Choosing our spouse or mate is the single most important personal decision we make in our lives. We hedge our bets on one person or job; we can open ourselves up to great risk, especially if we’re aren’t that great in making good decisions. Believe me I know. I’ve made my share of less than stellar employment and romantic decisions.

• We Use Social Recruiting and Internet Job Boards.
  Just like job boards and other social recruiting and online search tools, I know you have your favorite. The same holds true for dating websites and social networks that you prefer in finding eligible candidates for the position of companion or employee.

Employment, like dating, is a relationship where two parties spend a significant part of their lives with one another. It’s a mutual contract that started with a connection with the idea of benefiting both parties either personally, financially or both.

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Dating and recruiting have a lot in common. Learn how to improve your recruiting efforts by applying the most common dating rules.

Dating rule #1
First impressions are critical.

Recruiting application:
Differentiate yourself. Resist the “I have a great position for you” especially if you have never spoken to them.

Dating rule #2
Don’t believe everything you see. We have all heard stories from people that signed up for an online dating service and were shocked when their date was two feet shorter and 10 years older than the profile.

Recruiting application:
Candidates exaggerate their strengths and skills and down play their weaknesses. Do not assume anything. Prescreen, interview, administer assessments, and call the references before you present the candidate to your hiring manager.

Dating rule #3
Play hard to get. Desperation is the world’s worst perfume.

Recruiting application:
If you make a huge fuss over the candidate and beg them to interview, you will diminish your negotiating power.

Dating rule #4
Be selective. You can not change people.

Recruiting application:
Look for the red flags; don’t avoid them. It is better for you to uncover any candidate weaknesses or issues than your hiring manager discovering them. Your name and reputation is all you have in this business.

Dating rule #5
Prepare for the date.

Recruiting application:
If your candidate has spent 20 minutes on the phone with you and takes time off work to come to interview, and then you ask them “so, tell me what you want to do?” — you are wasting the candidate’s time. You should have notes on the candidate’s resume that you want to clarify, and if appropriate, the company profiles that best match what your candidate’s needs.

Dating rule #6
Don’t talk too much. People who express the “enough about me, what do you think about me?” attitude sit home alone, a lot.

Recruiting application:
The candidate should be doing most of the talking. Assess what the candidate has to offer, what they need, and then set expectations of how you will work together. Let the candidate talk about the interview before you disclose the hiring manager’s view. If you blurt out “they love you, you are the best candidate they have ever met!” — what do you think happens to the candidate’s salary requirements?

Dating rule #7
Follow up with your date.

Recruiting application:
As an industry, one of the biggest complaints we get from candidates and hiring managers is the lack of communication. No news is still considered news to the candidate; make sure you keep your candidate in the loop.

Dating rule #8
Don’t be afraid to end the date early.

Recruiting application:
Prescreen carefully, ask the hard questions, and always tell the candidate the truth. If they are not going to fit into your recruiting focus (skills, salary expectations, location, etc.), coach or make suggestions regarding who may be able to help them in the market.

Dating rule #9
Improve your odds by hanging out where (like) people hang out.

Recruiting application:
If you are recruiting technology talent, sign up and participate in technology activities in your market. Volunteer at association meetings to check members in: you will meet every attending member, every meeting.

Explain to people you meet that there are two types of people you would like to be introduced to: those who are leaders in their field and are looking for an opportunity and those who are leaders in their field and are not looking for an opportunity right now. You are an expert in your market, so people who are not looking now would still benefit from knowing you and the people in your network.

Dating Rule #10
They will not buy the cow if they are getting the milk for free.

Recruiting application:
When you agree to represent a candidate, you are entering into a business agreement. You need to set clear expectations of how the process must work. If the candidate will not agree to the terms, they are not committed to you, so turn them loose.

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Imagine what typical recruiting methods would sound like if people dated like they recruit for volunteers. It probably would sound something like this.

Whoa there, cowboy. Slow down a bit. No one in their right mind would use this technique to find a date. Volunteer managers shouldn’t either. It’s a lousy way to recruit.

Getting someone to volunteer is like the dating process-getting to know each other and finally asking the commitment question. In recruiting we are not asking for marriage. We are asking for a date-a date to demonstrate the value of our organization, our cause, our mission and the opportunity to make a difference. Each date is filled with opportunities for exchange, questions, and feedback. Buy the time we “pop the question,” or ask the person to join our volunteer team, we are confident they will say “yes.”

The First Date

The purpose of the first date is to get to know each other. Ask someone to help you for an event. Most o rganizations plan events such as charity drives, concerts, holiday parties or educational programs. Ask a member to serve ice cream, work at a registration table or help set up chairs. Volunteers are episodic-they like to do a short term project that they know has no commitment. Most members do feel like they should be doing something and they will not turn you down to do a small project. Let’s face it-the door is open for a first date because members are part of a common interest community.

But how do you get a second date?

At that first event, you want to take the time to affirm them for their work and let them see the impact of what you are doing. Let them get a taste of being involved. Let them experience the fun of working together with your team. Make sure they leave wanting a second date. That is your goal-a second date.

I met Bob on my recent trip to Arkansas. As Bob and I began to chat and he found out that I was from California, he asked me, “What brings you to Arkansas?” When I told him that I was speaking at the Arkansas State Leadership Summit on Volunteerism, he responded with great enthusiasm, “Hey Tom, I’m a volunteer.” I asked him what he was going to do; he sheepishly told me that he got a ticket for speeding and was required to put in so many hours in community service. As he began to describe how he was driving (hopefully not speeding) a truck for a non-profit and picking up donated furniture and household goods for a thrift store, Bob was energized. He began to talk about the mission of the non-profit, the wonderful people he was meeting, and how he felt like he was doing far more than a court ordered community service. That’s when I asked him the closing question, “Do you think you will continue volunteering when your assignment is up?”

I told Bob that if I was in charge of the volunteers for that organization, we would be meeting for coffee in the next few weeks. Why? Because Bob is low-hanging fruit ready to be picked to join our volunteer team.

The Future Dates

The goal of the future dates is to tell volunteers that you’d like their help. Now that they’ve had a taste, it’s okay to present your need. People want to be asked. Be specific. The 21st century doesn’t want to just stuff envelopes. They are professionals and want to use their knowledge. The second date also provides a chance to share the expectations and roles that the volunteer can fill such as writing, selling, leadership, or management. After the second date, many volunteers make commitments because during that time, they’ve observed you in action, read information about your organization, and feel ready to get involved. However, some need more time and might say “no.” But don’t be discouraged. “No” often doesn’t mean “no”; it means “not now.” In six months to a year, you need to ask for another date.

Some impatient, impulsive volunteer managers always say, “I don’t have time to meet with each volunteer multiple to recruit them.” It can sound overwhelming; however, when you look at the time you waste training and retraining the high percentage of volunteers who are quitting, you are way ahead by using the “dating” method.

You want to ask for a commitment, but not on a first date:)